Dieting

My sister just called. She has lost ten pounds on the Atkins diet. You can eat alot on that diet so I said I would try it. The theory behind it is : your body burns carbohydrates, restrict carbohydrates and your body must turn to its fat reserves when it needs energy. You can eat LOTS so I decided to go for it except this morning, my daughter made pancakes… and bacon. Then for dinner, my husband surprised me with making a pot of chili… with beans and crackers. So much for no carbohydrates today.

I am so tired of all the guilt with everything I eat. I have NEVER been satisfied with how much I weigh, even when I manage to whittle it down to something I can say in public, very quietly, though, to another fat girl. I bought some energy in a bottle, “Guaranteed to lose 36 lbs in 6 weeks,” the bottle said. Well, that worked for like a day. Now it’s like I’d have to eat a box of them to get an effect. Nothing works except constant deprivation, exercise, and rewarding yourself with fruit. Everything sugar-free costs at least double of what the cheap sugar-laden stuff costs. That is the problem with diets. You have to go out of your way to get the special food. One Winter Texan told me they had to go to the neighboring town 70 miles round trip for her Jenny Craig food. I am afraid I am going to turn out like that girl from Cheers, Kirstie Alley, strategically placing her purse and vases on her Pier One and Jenny Craig commercials to hide her body. All they focused on was her face and eyes, in those commercials.

They used to call me Kirstie Alley in high school, because of our similar eyebrows. Then when I had my daughter, everyone used to mention that SHE looked like Kirstie with her blue eyes and beautiful eyebrows. Now if anyone tells me I look like her, I would not eat for a week. I am getting my Trikke any one of these weeks. I cannot wait. I hope it gets here before the cold, ugly, nasty weather. I believe I am an enigma… somebody still not moved enough by all the sunshine and great weather to go surfing or bodykiting or whatever the hell is new now. There is body surfing and body skimming, how about I invent bodyleaving and leave it the hell alone? That would be great, if we could just leave it the hell alone and look good. For now I am just going to get a popsicle and go surfing. Channel surfing. That is all I feel like doing right now. They say we have the highest incidence of diabetes in the nation down here in the valley. We probably do. I am a good cook, Mexicans have a diet high in starches, fats, sugars and all that is good, and we are so lazy sometimes we wouldn’t get up off a railroad track if the train was coming. THAT is why so many Mexicans get killed on train tracks all the time. It is not because they are lulled to sleep by the vibrations as is theorized. It is cuz we are so hungover we would rather risk having the train pass over than get our lazy asses up off the tracks. How do you think they got to sleeping on the tracks anyway? Tequila. Water from the gods.  I’d better go. I need to rest. This cold is getting me delirious. I have lost six pounds twice this week and have not gained it back for the second time.

Before I go, WTH was that? I lost six pounds in two days, eat a cracker the third day and the six pounds is back. Ok, it wasn’t a cracker, it was a meal, but WTH was that? Reminds me of Oprah when she lost that wagonload of lard, ate a burger and put it all back on. Man, life is really messed up for some of us. Damn, skinny-ass models walking around, ruining it for the rest of us. I’m gonna go lay down and dream of ice cream and fried.. whatever.. I don’t care as long as it’s fried. Probably fried ice cream, leave it to me to come up with it, too. God help me.

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2 Responses to Dieting

  1. Barbz says:

    Hi,

    Would you like to visit my new Diet Debate blog at chebarbz.wordpress.com?

    Barbz

  2. Biche says:

    Sounds really frustrating…but it can be done! Check out my weight loss story in this post.

    I wish you luck!

    Biche

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